I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Yo dont text me then not text me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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