I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
