We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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