You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
