Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
