I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
