Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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