What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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