Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
