We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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