Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
