Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
A bitchslap is in order.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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