My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
ttyl tear gas
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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