Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he shaved USA in his pubs
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I enjoy the company of your penis
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
