when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
