You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
