Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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