I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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