weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
