You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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