I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
