i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
