i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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