Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
