dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
