I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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