I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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