Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
