Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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