I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
