I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
whose parrot is this?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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