if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
