But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
