Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
