Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
