i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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