sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
