Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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