Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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