Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
