My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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