Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
