What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
