Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
