Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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