just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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