Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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