I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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