Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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