come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
