dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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