I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
