he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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