things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
