I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
